Letting Go

ImageI like to talk to God when I run. I like to occupy my mind in a number of other ways too, but God is a favorite. I have never run with any sort of music or pod cast filling my head. I like to hear what’s going on around me, experience the peace of a solitary run, work out things in my head and I sometimes talk to God.

On one particular day I was mulling something over. I had a relationship that had ended a few years before, but I found myself continuing to keep this person in my life and keeping the relationship alive by having frequent contact. It almost felt like tagging home base to me. I knew this was not “the” person for me to have any more romantic attachment too, and I clearly did not want more than what we already had, and ended. So, why did I still keep “tagging” this person? “Why can’t I let go?” was the question I threw out to God on that morning run. And, three images popped into my head one after the other and I finally “got” it.

The first image I saw was of me floating in the open water with my right hand behind me hanging on to a life ring, like the one in the picture, and the other hand in front of me reaching forward. Ahhh……I understood. This person represented that life ring. He was a safe place. A safe person. Someone familiar that made me feel a sense of security.

The second image I saw was of another life ring much farther in front of me and I “got” that I could not get to the next thing, the next ring, unless I let go of the one I was holding. I didn’t get the feeling that this next ring represented a person, only the “next thing” I was headed for. I had to let go of what I was holding onto to get there.

The last image was of me floating alone in the open water without anything around me and it shocked me that I spontaneously burst into tears when this picture entered my mind. I had no idea that I had any sort of anxiety of being alone, but that’s what this picture represented to me. And, I realized that I guess I did have some fear of that, even if it wasn’t something I was conscious of.“But I’ll be alone!” is what I thought. You have to understand, that I actually do love to be alone. Love it very much. So my reaction surprised me.

Then, as I saw myself in the open water, I also saw God swim up under me and I put my arms around his neck. “Ahhhhhh….I get it.” I finally understood. I will never be alone no matter what. It was a lesson I learned in my darkest days, and I needed reminding. Even when we feel completely, totally alone, we are not. The most powerful force in the universe will never leave me, my God. And, this visual reminded me of that.

I know everyone has their own beliefs and I firmly support everyone being on their own life path. This is mine though. My path included the pursuit of God and Him of me. A big part of my “Aha” moments these last several years have been my discovering, and finding, my God. And, the images I just described are exactly as they came to me on that run. I’m just telling you what I “saw”, what it told me about myself and what I realized I needed to do.

Let go……That’s the message I came away with. In order to open myself to the next thing in my life, I had to let go of what I was hanging onto that no longer served me. And, scary as it might see. Hard as it might be to do. I had to do it. So, I decided to let go. I let go of my attachment to that person. I actively decided to do it. I even told the person in question about my “vision” and that I needed to let go, so that he too would be able to let go as well. The attachment was mutual. By voicing it to that person, I was hoping to have him decide too.

Then, things began to change……I found that once I acknowledged that I needed to let go and decided to do it, it was like the universe opened up and started pouring in new things. It was exactly what I needed to do, to let in what was ready to come into my life. By hanging onto what no longer served me, I was preventing new things from happening.

So, my question to you is, “What do you need to let go of?” Decide, then do, then watch your world open up.

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